Jul. 10th, 2017

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Hard to believe that it's been over two months since I moved to Florida.

There's been a lot of good, and a lot to get used to.

I'm still going through boxes, trying to make sense of the house.  Each box feels like a puzzle.  I may find 20 necessary items, but not he 21st one, which leads into delving into more boxes.  The new house is getting there, but unpacking is just as tedious as packing.  We've been getting ready for this move for nearly a year, and I think I'm mentally at the point where I'm over it.

People are nicer here, though.  It's one of the things I'm working very hard to getting used to again: Smiling, saying "Hello", making eye contact with people, and they mean largely just that.  It's not some unspoken invite to hit me up for money, or rides, or a means to coerce me into whatever hustle they're presently trying to attempt.  Relearning certain social graces has been an unexpected challenge that I didn't think would be so alien from me.  I learned how to avoid people in Vegas, because most attempts at reaching out were often met with money scams or some sort of junkie.  I've even been more charitable with the homeless here, as they seem more polite and grateful, and don't launch into some elaborate story of how hard times have befallen them, so therefore, it is up to me to solve it for them.

I'm also out of the 115-117 degree daily summer weather.  4th of July over here was the 4th itself, and 2-3 days of the random "pop".  It has not lasted two months.

I still haven't found a job.  I have house funds to carry me right now, but that's not how I want to use them.  The job market is....  I feel that it is going to better benefit me to make connections and see what I can find through that, because no matter where you go, Craig's List offerings are usually a bust.  I "landed" one job, and they never contacted me back after the interview, even though they said I could start last Monday.  I reached out to them, and silence.  Okay, then. 

I may also be a hard sell, as acting isn't going to be a skill I can use here, possibly not marketing/writing in the capacity that I'm used to, but hopefully, my customer service skills can be useful for something.  I knew it was going to be a change before I signed up for this, but I hope that it pays off eventually.  I'm having a few professionals look over my resume.  I figured with the change in application format I discovered last year, it likely also applies to how resumes are considered as well.

Things are okay.  I'm trying to get used to this little town.  I love the beach, and I always have.  There's surprisingly more than I expected here, and I still have moments of trying to reconcile my time here as a kid versus a life here now.  I'm trying to make it all "make sense".  I did manage to make one friend: An older lady named Donna from one of the souvenir shops on the beach.  As long as people are nice and not running a scam, that's my only requirement.

My week in Corsicana put me in a very retrospective mood.  Being there for a friend in a time of need, reconnecting with two of my oldest childhood friends, seeing fragments of the town for what it was, and what it's becoming, the photo at college, and the newspaper interview really put a lot of things in perspective for me.  In a lot of ways, it's hard missing a life that doesn't really exist anymore.  Sure, there's a few remaining spots, and friends, and even "moments" that can be recaptured, but it's never really the same.  The college where my Dad worked still looks the same, and has that "feel".  It's the closest I can get to any sort of reconnection to him.  Even when my friends and I closed out Old Mexican Inn, standing on 7th Avenue, watching cars go by, there was sense of yearning familiarity. 

I found a collection of my old 16 year journals, and I was angry about things back then.  I had reason to be for some, and it's almost surprising to me how some of my personality elements and concerns haven't changed all that much, but I wish I could have seen that time with my eyes now.  There's a want to let that confused kid know that some things are going to be okay, and that time?  Sure, it was hard.  But there was so much to appreciate outside of that, as well.  There's a sense of fondness in that time, even as my family was breaking apart.

Two months (sort of, sans my Billboard trip) away from Vegas.  I don't miss the heat, or the fireworks, or the scams.  I miss the house.  I do.  One of those "sore spots" for me, since having a house of my own is so important to me.  And that's soured more by knowing such rotten people live in it after causing so much drama.  I think, right now, finding a job is key.  I have to meet people and find my place here.  I feel like I'm bound to fixing this place up as though that's my full-time job.  I spent months fixing the old place.  I need a mental break from boxes.

And of course, my friends and I are working on our Total Geek Live project, which I would love to turn that into my full-time job, but these things take time.

I'm good right now.  I think after a year of change and shake up, I'm ready for more stability and certainty to be a standard in my life.

July 2017

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